help! bucking a heavy load

Ask moral related questions. What things are right and wrong? What should we do and not do?

Moderator: grand_puba

Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 2994
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2005 1:23 pm
Location: ether

help! bucking a heavy load

Post by email » Sat Dec 26, 2009 10:52 am

Wow. That's creepy.

Yeah, I'm a Christian, but I find it to be too hard and have contemplated not bothering. Yeah, I admit that I'm being selfish. You see, I want to get married and I know that I can't get married to someone unless they're a Christian. Problem is that there aren't any Christians to get married to! So, instead I have to be alone or date people who I know are most likely not Christians. And yes, I know you'll tell me that I DON'T HAVE to date, but you know what I'm only human and I'm sick and tired of being alone. I'm sick and tired of being told that I see only in "black-and-white". I'm sick of it. I want a family. I want to know what it's like to be loved and not used and taken for granted. God is a spirit! He's so distant to me right now. Where is he, huh? Where? In heaven biding his time while we suffer here on earth. Why can't he just hurry up and come so that I don't have to torment myself with these stupid emotions (romance, love, desires of marriage must be stupid if they're not even being entertained). I've sacrificed things for God and I know that Christianity says that our righteousness is like filthy rags in the eyes of the Lord. I know. I know. But I didn't ask to be here on this earth! That was God's choice to have me here so why can't there be something to look forward to in the short-term, huh? Just pray for me. I really do need it. Ah, the hardening of the heart. Perhaps this is how Pharoah felt?
The above presented views do not necessarily represent any specific individual, registered on this forum or otherwise.
Who is "email"?

User avatar
Posts: 2788
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 1999 10:45 am

"Wait on the Lord."

Post by m273p15c » Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:29 pm

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate your honesty, and I sympathize with your situation that you described.

On occasion, we all may feel that God is not near.
O God, do not be far from me; O my God, make haste to help me! Let them be confounded and consumed Who are adversaries of my life; Let them be covered with reproach and dishonor Who seek my hurt. But I will hope continually, And will praise You yet more and more. My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness And Your salvation all the day, For I do not know their limits. I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD; I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only. (Psalm 71:12-16)
We cannot rely on our outward circumstances to indicate that God is near. In fact, very wicked people often abound in prosperity, while the righteous suffer in want or oppression (Ecclesiastes 8:14; 9:1-3). Therefore, our confidence and sense of God's nearness arises from our faith, hope, and trust in Him (Hebrews 11:1; II Corinthians 5:7). Like the psalmist above, we must move forward by God's strength. Practically, this reduces to prayer, Bible study, obedience, and ultimately dismissing nagging worries, since God has promised to aid in our cares (I Peter 5:6-10).

As you already noted, our selfishness wars against our spiritual goals and peace (Mark 14:38; James 4:1-8). Counting and remembering the cost of becoming a disciple of Christ is essential to maintaining our commitment to the Lord (Luke 9:57-62; 14:25-33).

Let's "bite the bullet", shall we? The Lord never promised that we each would get married! :-( If you can find a passage that promises such, please let me know. ... The only physical necessities that God promised is food and clothing, and with that, we are to be content (Matthew 6:25-34; I Timothy 6:8). For example, Jeremiah was forbidden to marry. Instead, he lived a life of service, dedicated to God (Jeremiah 16:2). It may very well be that this is your lot. It would be easy - but dishonest and cruel for me to assure you otherwise. I pray that a godly, Christian man is just around the corner...

I obviously cannot speak for God, especially pertaining to God's specific, providential will pertaining to our individual lives. However, I do know that God has deliberately placed some challenges in our lives to help us grow spiritually, deepen our faith, and solidify our trust in Him. He hopes we will overcome these difficulties using the spiritual armament that He has provided (Genesis 4:7; Ephesians 6:10-18; Romans 8:20-25, 28-39; I John 5:4; Revelation 12:11). ... I personally recall several long months and years in my youth, when I feared that I would never find a godly wife. After several failed relationships, I eventually learned to pray, trust in a God Who knows my every need, and busy myself in His kingdom (Matthew 6:33-34). After this realization, a few contented, preoccupied, and busy months passed quickly, and then I began dating the woman, who later became my wife! Looking back, I would not want to have married without first learning independent trust in the Lord.

Finally, God did state that it was "not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18-22). I would assume the same goes for the woman; otherwise, He would have made woman first and left it at that. Moreover, God has shown Himself to be a loving Father, who gives what His children need (Matthew 7:7-11). Although marriage is not strictly a necessity (which is necessary to satisfy the definition and promise of Matthew 7:11), God is clearly not cruel, capricious, nor uncaring. He knows where you are and what you need. Wait on the Lord. We are told that He looks for ways to "show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him" (II Chronicles 16:9). While you are praying and waiting, make sure that you have purified and are purifying your own heart (James 4:8; I John 3:3). And, keep yourself busy in His service (Matthew 6:33).

(BTW, "waiting on the Lord" does not mean that we literally stand still. We still must plan and do the best we can with what we have available. (Think of David taking a slingshot and five stones to tackle Goliath, whom he believed the Lord would destroy.) Instead, the application for us is that we should not resort to sinful techniques to achieve our goal, and we should not worry in the interim (Psalm 27:13-14; Isaiah 40:28-31) . For example, I have known of people, who moved to a new city to find a stronger church or a godly spouse. This would still qualify as "waiting on the Lord".)

One day, you will look back and these days will be a distant memory. I know too many people, who have settled, because they were fearful. Don't settle! Their lives are constant struggles and misery. Your current loneliness is nothing compared to the suffering you could endure, even in this life, if you hastily marry an ungodly influence (I Timothy 5:11-12; I Corinthians 7:39; II Corinthians 6:11-7:1).

To summarize: Count the cost. Pray. Trust in the Lord. Wait on the Lord. Purify yourself. Busy yourself in the Lord's work. Be strong. Be courageous. Be "of good cheer" (John 16:33). The Lord will be with you, even if you feel otherwise, for He has promised:
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we may boldly say: "The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:5-6)

I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)
I am very sympathetic to your distress. I pray this helps. You will be in my prayers.

Much more could be said, if you like. Please look up and meditate on each Scripture. Let me know if you have any questions or additional thoughts.

In His love,

May God help us to love truth sincerely and supremely (II Thessalonians 2:11-12)

Post Reply