Important, What should be done?

Ask moral related questions. What things are right and wrong? What should we do and not do?

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Important, What should be done?

Post by JSM17 » Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:57 am

If a faithful Christian finds out his wife has met someone on line and is having sexual converstions and exchanging nude pictures of each other and she refuses to stop and is in many ways forcing the husband to have to live with this, what is a faithful christian to do?

What is a man to do when it has moved from the internet to actual phone conversations. What is a faithful Christian to do when the women is getting sexual motivation from another man and then comes to the marraige bed and uses her husband to satisfy her sexual wants because of this other person?

Does he seperate until he knows how it will turn out? Even after pleading with his wife to stop before it is to late she continues to persue this venture, what is a man to do?

Is it wrong for the faithful christian to seperate until the issue is resloved either way?

If the relationship continues it will end up in fornication physically, if it has not been an actual physical act is it adultry or fornication? I understand just because a person views pornography it may not be the same as what Jesus spoke of in Matt. 19:5 in accordance with what he said on the sermon on the mount.

Really what I am asking is if the women continues to have this affair with this man even if she does for a whole year not actuallyhaving sex, does this count as adultery?

People are hurting and I need to hear from you. flaming fire taking vengeance on those who do not know God, and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.9 These shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power...

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my 2 cents

Post by m273p15c » Sat Aug 16, 2008 10:30 pm

Disclaimer: I am not a marriage counselor. The following opinion is my own, personal, non-professional opinion, and it is no substitute for professional counsel. :-)

If it were me, I would consider this the "working" stage, based on your description. In other words, the husband should still be working to salvage the marriage. My advice would be:
  1. Withdraw from the unrepentant soul - Certainly, this would qualify as sexual misconduct, or in the terms of Scripture, "lasciviousness", "wantoness", etc. If the woman refuses to repent, then the church should withdraw from her immediately (Ephesians 5:3-13; I Corinthians 5).
  2. Temporary separation is an option now - I Corinthians 7:5 offers temporary separation as a means to focus one's spiritual life through constant prayer and fasting; however, it also warns of the temptation that can be enabled through prolonged separation (see also I Corinthians 7:1-4). For this woman, the husband would have to consider the risk. Personally, I would consider this a last resort, but likely necessary in this case. ... Regardless, I would not enable her continued promiscuity (turn off the internet, get rid of the computer, cut telephone lines, separate beds, etc.).
  3. "In the heart" - Although lusting after another is labeled as committing adultery in the heart by the Lord (Matthew 5:27-28), it is not technically equated to committing physical adultery. If not corrected, time is the only real difference. That is why I say this is still the "working" stage. There is some hope, if the wife is not following through with her thoughts. As the husband, I would do all I could to salvage the marriage before she follows through on her desires. I would see point #1, and possibly point #2, as a means to help.
  4. Hire a private investigator - Too many Christian spouses will either lie or hide about their affairs, purely for the reason of torturing his or her Christian spouse. This has to be one of the cruelest and most hateful things a person can do, because she knows the prison to which she is confining her husband, and she is doing so, only for the reason of inflicting severe torture. "Be wise as serpents, harmless as doves" (Matthew 10:16). Know for certain the facts of the case before you.
My biggest concern for the husband is to ask him to consider his love for his wife. Why is she doing this? Understanding her may help in reconciling (I Peter 3:7). Is he looking for a divorce or to save his wife? I am not accusing - not by any means, but I think if the husband is seeking to understand and help his wife as much as possible - in other words, if he truly loves her (I Corinthians 13) - he will do the right thing, even if it is ultimately divorce (Hosea 1-3). I think that could be the most difficult question for him, "Where is his heart?"

Personally, I would follow the example of the Lord: Do everything you can to salvage your marriage. Take someone back as long as they will come back, unless it should somehow compromise your own purity (Hosea 1-3).

I realize these words cannot soothe or satisfy the pain a husband and wife feel during this time, especially this husband. For that I am deeply sorry. ... I will be praying for everyone involved!
May God help us to love truth sincerely and supremely (II Thessalonians 2:11-12)

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Re: Important, What should be done?

Post by JSM17 » Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:20 am

Since my first post almost Nine hundred people have viewed my statement about my situation. Some may think it is un wise of me to publicly declare the things that have happened, but they serve to teach others, and so that God will get His glory.

For the purpose of clarity I would like to speak about the end result of terrible sin. Again it serves the purpose for others to rethink their actions before taking them.
My wife went after another man. She made plans for him to come out and be with her. I left the house and could not take it. While I was gone I started to receive the attention of another women who was married (in the church). So my wife and I comitted adultery on one another, and another family has been damaged as a result of sin.When all this came to a boil it exploded! What a mess sin can bring, innocent children's lives ruined because of stupid adults! It has been very hard, that is, the consequence is almost unbearable at times, but through repentance and much struggling I have been able to get through this. My wife and I will not remain to be married. I have tried to get her to come back to me, but she will not give up her new life style with her new man. I will remain without my wife or any other women. It has been a struggle to get to this point of understanding. I will serve the Lord and my children til the day that I am called home, I know it will not be easy and many will never view me the same, but I am wanting to do what is right.

So I would just like those who are viewing things from the outside to know that when we think we are strong, beware sometimes that is when we are the weakest! I never in a million years thought that all this could have happened to me, but it did. I will deal with this for the rest of my life. I know God has forgiven me, but it is hard sometimes to forgive ourselves. Truly God is good and He can help us through tough times, but when we turn from His guidance nothing turns out right. Those of you who are married, give 100% all the time or at least strive to. Even when the other does not give at all, it does not matter give as giving unto the Lord. Those of you who are struggling with your marriage right now and are contemplating divorce for unscriptural reason, don't do it. Those of you living secret lives of sexual sin, God will reveal your sin when He wants to and you will not be ready for it, because it will come crashing down upon you.

The best thing that I can say about this whole situation is that I hope at least my post will help someone, even if it is one person. I would like to say that in the midst of all this someone was saved because of what has happened, truly God works through every situation even the bad ones. Thank you for letting me share this with all of you.

I am requesting that this thread be locked so that no further conversations or post can be made on it, please.

Thanks flaming fire taking vengeance on those who do not know God, and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.9 These shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power...