I am glad to learn that you are feeling more confident about the truth, but I am sorry it is causing you so much heartache. I can't see into your heart, and I would not presume to try, but I do know my own heart fairly well. For myself, I know that physical and emotional suffering, call it "depression", is generally caused by anxiety and worry. Our anxieties are fueled by our fear of losing or not obtaining something, which may be someone.
Solomon wrote:Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad. (Proverbs 12:25)
As the Scriptures suggest, the key for my internal turmoil has always been to eliminate my anxieties by resolving or comforting them through some knowledge or understanding (
"a good word makes it glad", see also
I Thessalonians 4:18; Psalm 94:12, 19; 119:50). On occasion, the anxiety is relieved by learning God's plans. For example, Paul relieved the Thessalonians' concern for the dead saints by elaborating on the resurrection (
I Thessalonians 4:13-18). Other times, our worry can be relieved by realizing that the matter is out of our control. Such worry is profitless. In such cases, dwelling on God's manifested love and promised care can ease our concerns:
Matthew wrote:"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:25-34)
This paragraph follows a discussion regarding double-mindedness, which is trying to serve God and this world (see
James 1:2-8; 4:1-10, for more on "double-minded"). The connecting word, "therefore", indicates that such a mindset may be responsible for our worry. ... Notice the reasons that Jesus used to dismiss our worry:
- From minor to major - God takes care of the birds, who do not worry, and we are more valuable than they. Will he not also take care of us, since we are more important to Him? Similar argument is made from "clothing" of flowers to our own.
- Vanity - Most worry is useless. (For example, try to make yourself taller through worry.) It does not change anything, except it makes us feel worse.
- Providence - God already knows we need these things, and He loves us and has promised to take care of us, based on first argument (see also Romans 8:31-39; I Peter 5:6-7).
- Priorities and Faith - If we focus on doing God's will, He will take care of these lesser matters. Our concern should be on obeying God. We need to trust Him to handle with the fallout.
On some occasions, we simply need to learn contentment.
Paul wrote:Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)
We should not worry over things that we do not
need. As Paul mentioned, this is a "learned" skill. And, I believe it is a prerequisite to applying his advice found in the immediately preceding verses:
Paul wrote:Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:4-9)
Although I profess and try to be a Christian in all my ways, on occasion I still find that I have permitted undue worry to creep into my life. When I come to those realizations, I examine myself (
II Corinthians 13:5) and question my faith and priorities, while reminding myself of God's manifest love and commitment to us. On many occasions, I realize that I did not know myself as well as I thought (
Matthew 26:31-35; Luke 22:54-62). On really dark days, I may even need to meditate on passages regarding our confidence in salvation (
http://www.insearchoftruth.org/articles ... saved.html). Generally, such occasions ultimately produce increased understanding, patience, zeal and commitment in us (
II Corinthians 7:8-11).
I do not know if these passages will apply to your worries, but if they do, I am confident they will help, because I am confident in the Author!
Please suffer me to make one "shot in the dark". It has been my experience that the most difficult part of any significant religious change is the impact to our human relations. For example, we worry,
"What will my wife think?" "What will my children think?" "How will my congregation receive me?" "Should I even maintain membership, or do I need to find another congregation?" "What about my parents and grandparents?" etc....
Using the above passages, we can answer these worries like so:
- From major to minor - If God is willing to send His Son to die on the cross and save us, will He not be willing to see me through this spiritual difficulty (Romans 8:32; I Peter 5:7)?
- Vanity - What good can be accomplished by worrying about the past? We need to look to the future and press on:
Paul wrote:But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.[/i] (Philippians 3:7-14)
- Providence - God knows our needs, and He has promised to love and take care of us. Maybe He has provided this opportunity, so we can provide it to others? Consider the apostle Paul: He had previously persecuted Christians, forced them to blaspheme, and even put some to death (Acts 26:9-11)! Imagine the guilt he felt and overcame! However, God used him to reach untold thousands upon thousands, while making an example of His mercy through Paul (I Timothy 1:12-16). We never know how God's plan will unfold in our personal lives. Based on the evidence He has provided, we simply have to trust and obey.
- Priorities and Faith - This can be very hard to accept, but God has not promised that all our earthly ties will persist through every spiritual transition. In fact, if anything, He has promised us some division:
Matthew wrote:"Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matthew 10:34-39)
We must accept that possibility. We may even have to realize it in our own lives. I have known many that have been kicked out of their homes, because they took a stand for truth. But, this gets back to Paul's previous comment: Here we must learn contentment and accept that God has provided a greater, true, closer family:
Luke wrote:So Jesus answered and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time -- houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions -- and in the age to come, eternal life."[/i] (Mark 10:29-30)
Here is where we have to
"count the cost" and decide if we are willing to truly serve God (
Luke 9:57-62; 14:25-33). We cannot serve two masters (
Matthew 6:16-24). Unfortunately, many turn back here. Hopefully, this is not the issue that confronts you. If it is, I trust that you will overcome through faith in God and by His mercy and truth.
I would encourage you to objectively decide what the Bible teaches. Do not let the consequences factor into your decision making. I think that is how the headaches come into the process. We worry about the consequences as part of deciding what to do. ... You should resolve all your questions, or an overwhelming number, such that you are confident in what the Bible says (
Romans 10:17; II Timothy 2:15). Then, and only then, you must decide whom you serve and commit yourself to them. Then, you must obey, letting the "chips fall where they may" - or in the language of Scripture,
"casting your care upon Him, for He cares for you".
Now, to answer your specific questions: Here's my
opinion and
judgment, based on
Scripture and my observation:
There are many denominations, because the church is powerful (
Daniel 2:44; Acts 5:35-39). People pervert the gospel to promote their own selfish agenda, be it for dishonest income, license to sin, swell pride, etc. (
Galatians 1:6-8; Titus 1:10-13; I Timothy 6:3-6; II Timothy 3:1-14; Philippians 3:3-3; Galatians 6:12-13). They deceive people, and these people have children who naturally do what their parents did. In this way, error becomes tradition, and tradition becomes "law" (
Matthew 15:1-9). Through the generations, some people continue in the error, compelled by "the tradition of their parents". Others persist because the original, carnal appeal of the error appeals to them also. Others persist out of sincere ignorance, often because the
"the whole counsel of God" is not taught - only supporting portions (
Acts 20:26-28; Hosea 4:6). Can you imagine what would happen if a church preached all the Bible? Imagine if, 40 years ago, you and others had been shown all the passages we studied! However, a "remnant" seek God, and eventually He ensures they see the truth (like Cornelius, Paul, and others we discussed previously). The rest fall on the stumbling stone, as did the Jews who could not accept the spiritual nature of the Messiah. The enemies of God, man and the Devil, are the source of the chaos,
"teaching as doctrines the commandments of men" (
Matthew 15:9).
The chaos does not originate with God (
I Corinthians 14:33), although He is clearly permitting it - for now - and possibly even working it for good. Why? Think back to the parable of the tares (
Matthew 13:24-43). If God executed instant judgment, where would we be? God's delay is patience (
II Peter 3:8-9, 14), and it seems to also be part of the means by which He draws an eventual, even brighter contrast between His children and the "tares".
Since so many claim to have the truth, how do we know who does? Compare them to the standard (
I Corinthians 14:37)! Test their claims (
I John 4:1, 6)! See if they are who they claim to be (
Revelation 2:2)! If they refuse or fail, you have your answer (
John 3:19-21; Deuteronomy 13:1-5; 18:20-22). Remember, even the Devil quoted Scripture, so testing is required, and further study of the Scripture will bear the truth out (
Matthew 4:5-7). Some churches do not even bother to claim that there is truth, much less being in possession of it. These have largely rejected God and His Word, crumbling into an earthly, "good deed", social club. Others make frail claims, but they roll over quite quickly if you question their practices. The few remaining groups require some more diligence, but these also can be discovered, as you have already done. The true church will not just claim the truth, but they will teach it and do it! Study, give diligence, pray, and trust God (
II Timothy 2:15; 3:16-17; Matthew 7:7-11; Philippians 3:15; Psalm 119:67). Examine yourself (
II Corinthians 13:5). Make sure that you love truth above all else, no matter the cost (
II Thessalonians 2:9-12). Remember, God's comments about Moses' "tongue" (
Exodus 4:10-14)? We must apply that to our brains, as all our body. Our mind has the ability to "taste salt" and
"discern the unsavory" (
Job 6:6, 30; 12:11; Psalm 34:8; 119:103). Remember, He made your brain
and the Bible. They were made for each other! In the hands of an honest and humble man, they will perform as God intended and designed (
Ephesians 3:3-5; Isaiah 55:11).
I can answer that the church of which I am a member, teaches and practices the truth, as far as I can tell (
I Corinthians 4:1-4). However, I would not want you take my word for it. Look to the Bible for answers, because we are judged by it (
John 12:48), and only it is from God. I pray my answers have been from God's Word. If not, I trust that in time, you, someone else, or some other happening will direct me to the truth in God's Word, as God has promised (
Philippians 3:15).
I cannot answer confidently on the workings of God, but I believe He has left us some clues to comfort us, as I have tried to show above. However,
ultimately, we must learn the lesson of Job: God never did explain to Job that it was the Devil who had been afflicting him. In fact, Job did not even know there was a "Devil" (
Job 9:1-4, 22-24). God only reminded Job of His great power, His care for Him and all things, and Job's inability to sit in judgment of Him (
Job 38-42). In short, God provided evidence and essentially asked Job to "Trust me".
God has answered many of our concerns in Scripture. He has given us clues and insight to many others, although they may not be answered completely. But, in the end, much is left hidden (
Deuteronomy 29:29), and for those issues, God simply asks, "Trust me". We must examine the evidence and decide if it is sufficient to support His claim and request, and if we think it so, then we must ultimately step out in faith (
II Corinthians 5:7; Habakkuk 2:4). In the end, learning to trust is more important than understanding all God does.
I apologize for the length, but I tried to put myself in your shoes and explain what I would want to know.
I pray you find this helpful,