First, thank you for taking the time to study with me. We have no church of Christ chaplain where I am, and I was beginning to feel very alone in my frustration, because of course if I ask any denominational chaplain about it they would tell me to say the sinners prayer. So, thank you.
First, about the baptism, I go back and forth on the step of repentance, and started a lot of my struggles with that issue. It seems ridiculous after this many years to finally admit this, but I realized I had no idea what exactly repent means. I realized this while listening to a church of Christ preacher online who said, during his invitation, “You need to repent, get rid of all your sin in your life, and then be baptized.” I stopped and thought, that cannot be right, surely. I always viewed salvation repentance more as a change of view point, or perspective on my daily walk, which led me to follow Christ and want to stop sinning because I saw it for what it was now. When I repented, I realized my sin had separated me from God, I hated it, and wanted to stop seeking my life goals, pleasures, and focus from the world, and to seek God’s will each day. I thought that is what Peter was telling the Jews in Acts when he told them to repent, and be baptized. He had just told them about how the crucified Christ, and they believed, because they were pricked in their hearts, then asked, What must we do to be saved? When he answered “Repent, and be baptized...” I assumed that the repent, because he had just told them about rejecting Jesus, meant to turn to Christ, and acknowledge him as the son of God, to walk in the light. If it does, in fact, mean I had to figure out every single sin in my life and stop it on my own before I could be baptized, that doesn’t seem possible, and it is not what I did. Also, even a few of the sins I knew about, I wanted to stop, but felt I was not strong enough. This almost stopped me from being baptized, but the man studying with me said I needed to look forward and be baptized and that the holy spirit would help me after I was saved. My legalistic mind would think of the worst possible scenario, and ask myself, could you resist sin in this situation, and of course my mind could always think of a situation where I had to admit I would not be able to resist, so I worried I was not repenting. Then I decided I had not really repented unless I went back and fixed all the sins I had done, found everyone I had lied to, which is EVERYONE because dishonesty is one of my most difficult sins. Of course I realized really fast that this was impossible, and there were so many complex situations, I didn’t know how to make them right, and what was required, if people never knew I lied, did I need to tell them? If I couldn’t remember if I lied over the last 15 years or what I had lied about. I even remember deleting movies I had downloaded illegally because it was dishonest, but then thinking, maybe I need to turn myself in and go to jail to really repent? It went on and on and on and I realized I would never ever feel like I really repented of each and every sin, so I went with the other interpretation, of repenting by changing the focus and direction of my life. Maybe I was wrong, because I did, in fact, go right back to those sins, and continued in them after I was baptized. I was never happy about them, and have fought them every since, but I did not stop committing them. I asked a minister about it at our church a few months after, and he said “Well, if you are sinning less than you were, that is a good indication that you repented.” This actually made me a little upset because I could not find this anywhere in scripture, and doubt that God plays a game of numbers. So in conclusion, I am wondering what repentance really is, and was mine biblical, if I am still working on the same sins after baptism, did I truly repent of them? If I did, why do I not pass the 1st John test on your web site of being in the faith and having the holy spirit? I have noticed my wife, who was baptized around the same time as me, produce more and more fruit. Her life changed dramatically, she is always so joyful, she teaches ladies bible class, people stop me at church all the time and tell me what a blessing she is, she visits sick and widowed, and is so happy all the time in her salvation. Why did I not get any of that?
Second, the verses I am having trouble with.
Joh 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
Joh 14:21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.
Mat 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Luk 14:33 So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.
When I cam across verses like these four while reading through my bible, for some reason, even though I had heard them before, I could not get over the fact that they make it sound like nobody can get to heaven unless they live a perfect life after baptism. Jesus didn’t say, “try to keep my commandments” or in Mat 7:21 he didn’t say “He that doeth his best to do the will of my Father.” And if I truly forsaketh everything I have, I would give up all my sin as well, not most of it and still slip Occasionally. If a Christian can only be saved by living a perfect life, how is that by faith, not works? Also, how does this not contradict the teaching in 1st John about Christians sinning:
1Jn 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (Is this talking about before baptism only?)
1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (Is this talking about before baptism only, the one time?)
1Jn 2:1 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
(Again, does this mean if any man sin BEFORE baptism only?)
Because if they mean after baptism, that a Christian is capable of sin, they contradict the first set of verses saying that to be a Christian, you have to obey all command perfectly, which means no sin. Also, if this is talking to Christians in 1Jn, I am even more confused by the entire book of 1st John. He makes statements that there is no darkness at all in him, and if we say we have fellowship with him but walk in darkness, we lie. So, we cannot sin, or we are not Christians, yet right after it says “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves...” How can these fit together?
Last, about the verses you sent. To be honest I had always just read through those verses and always dismissed 1Cor 10:13 as, “That means I CAN overcome sin, but I will never be able to be perfect all the time. If I was not able to overcome sin, it would mean I had no choice, and it wouldn’t really be a free will thing anymore, so of course I can overcome it, the problem is I am weak and don’t do it always like I should, and then I am back to the problem of, I am not keeping his commandments, so I must not be in the faith, and start thinking I must have never been saved.
As for 1 Thess 5:23-24 I thought that when the bible said we were sanctified, that means we were made clean, by his blood, by being forgiven of our sins, thus not guilty and blameless, not because we lived a perfect life after baptism that we were blameless. I am guessing I am wrong?
And last, in 1st John if that is talking to believers, is he saying that every single time a Christian sins, he goes out of salvation until he confesses it? Because there is no darkness at all in him, and when we sin we have darkness, so if a Christian sins, he must be out of him, right?
Thank you again for your help. I am so sorry if I sound disrespectful of God’s word, I don’t mean to say it is contradicting, I just read a lot that I cannot put together in one message. It doesn’t help that I have a hint of denominational blood in me, because one of my grandfathers is a deacon in the church of Christ, and the other is a deacon in the Baptist Church. I was raised in the church of Christ, but you can’t help but have second thoughts when you see your grandfather live his whole life dedicated to God and all the fruit of his life, about if he might be right. But I have moved past that long ago and accepted the most biblical plan of salvation, and agree that the Baptist church now days is using a fairy tail version of salvation not found in the Scriptures, even though when my Grandfather was baptized it was not near what it is today, from what I gather from him, so maybe that is the difference. Anyway, I am very thankful to you, and I can’t tell you how much it meant to me that you got back to me so quickly. Even though we could all die at anytime, or the Lord could return, the job I do, it is put in my face every day that I might not be here tomorrow, so you can imagine I would very much like to have some kind of assurance as quickly as possible, while I also want to grow long term. After this break down in my faith the last few days, for the first time in my life I am afraid to go do my job in the morning. I can’t live like this at all, so giving up is just not an option. I agree, God did not mean for me to live this way, and he would not send his son into the world to tell us we are all going to hell, but what exactly did he tell us? And, do you ever wonder why the bible is written so cryptic? Almost in riddles?